What the Mindset of an Alcoholic Does to Family Members

What the Mindset of an Alcoholic Does to Family Members Addiction Alcohol Use Print The Effect of an Alcoholics Mindset on Family Members By Donna Thompson Updated on September 19, 2019 Adam Kuylenstierna / Getty Images More in Addiction Alcohol Use Binge Drinking Withdrawal and Relapse Children of Alcoholics Drunk Driving Addictive Behaviors Drug Use Nicotine Use Coping and Recovery If you are a friend or family member of an  out-of-control drinker, you might be searching for ways to better understand the alcoholics mindset. It can be challenging not to internalize the drinkers hurtful behaviors, but the reality is that alcoholics have  no idea  how  their drunken actions  affect their loved ones. Use this overview to get a concise portrait of an alcoholic and to improve your responses during your interactions with a drinker. This may mean setting ground rules and joining a support group such as  Al-Anon,  designed specifically to meet the needs of  families  of alcoholics. Support Groups for Family Members of Alcoholics Women and men married to alcoholics openly weep during support groups about the pain of loving someone who is slowly committing suicide by drinking. These men and women feel helpless as alcoholics not only hurt themselves but destroy their marriages and families in the process. As the alcoholic self destructs, spouses gradually lose the  ability to feel compassion towards the drinker. Many feel their efforts to help the alcoholic have been carried out in vain. How the Alcoholic Brain Works While its understandable that loved ones of alcoholics increasingly feel less empathy for them, its also important to understand how the alcoholic brain works. Alcoholics Are Essentially Brain Damaged Alcoholics have no conception of the depth and breadth of the pain their drunken behavior inflicts upon those who love them. How can they? Their cognitive abilities are impaired; in essence, when drunk, they are brain-damaged. How Alcohol Physically Damages Your Brain In fact, their thinking ability,  emotional stability, and mental capacity are all adversely affected to such a degree that most bonafide treatment facilities will not even entertain the idea of hiring a recovering alcoholic without at least two, preferably three years of being continuously and completely sober. And thats no guarantee theyve found sobriety. Anger, Rage, and Fear in Alcoholics Sure,  high-functioning drunks  who are quiet, peaceful, and drift off into semi-consciousness do exist. Sharing space with them is like being with the living dead, but at least theyre quiet.  More often than not,  however, drunks find some way to be abusive  or  even to  terrorize their families. After a while, this leads the sober spouse to feel anger, rage, and fear rather than compassion for the drinker. Can Al-Anon Save Your Marriage? Alcoholics Often View Their Spouse as the Enemy To the alcoholic, their sober  spouse is the enemy. Those who are not drunks by nature are a threat to the alcoholics lifestyle. By attending Al-Anon, the enemy has made it difficult for the alcoholics denial to continue.  Somehow, even after alcoholics stop drinking, that enemy mindset continues. Al-Anon meetings  have humorous moments as well,  but its wry  and often dark. Family members mostly laugh at themselves for how addled their thinking becomes as they try to maintain a sense of normalcy. Resources for Families of Alcoholics